Baby Boomer Men Need Help This Holiday

Listen up guys: you are going to need some help getting through this holiday season. Now, more than ever, your mate is counting on you to pitch in and help out wherever she thinks she needs it. Some of you many be required to go well above and beyond the call of duty.

You can keep yourself out of harms way by "listening" for some code words your mate uses and the tone in which she uses them. This can be especially challenging if your better half is going through a little something called menopause.

Those words include:

1.) FINE: It s the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) NothingThis is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever!: Is a women's way of saying "%@ &* YOU!"

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.

My suggestion to you is that you do everything possible to make your mate happy during the holiday season and I guarantee you she won't utter not one of those words! Instead, you'll be hearing words like: "I Love You!" "Honey, you're the greatest!" and "Oooo-la-la!!!"