Friday, May 13, 2011

Reinvent Yourself at Midlife with a Divorce

Maria Shriver and former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger have become the latest casualties of baby boomer wedded bliss. After being married for 25 years, they have decided to call it quits.

Surprising? Maybe to some because the media always painted a picture of them as a couple who managed to stay happy in spite of their political and, perhaps, social differences.

The truth of the matter is, aging for women brings about more changes than just in the physical sense. Mentally, we go from being a starry-eyed young woman into a fully-bloomed flower, that is no longer content with remaining tight inside the bud. I was married for nearly 18 years before I had my wake up call.

With children grown and husbands paying less attention to our needs, the desire to breakout of that shell becomes even greater for some baby boomer women. The desire to live for yourself, instead of others, tugs at your heartstrings.

The truth of the matter is, not every marriage is God-ordained. Not every marriage has a happily ever after ending but, sadly, there are still wives everywhere hanging on to their marriage vows. Some choose to remain in bad situations because it's easier to stay and tolerate than to pack up and try to start all over again.

I say to hell with that! I would much rather reinvent myself at midlife with a divorce and give myself the opoortunity to travel on a new journey--than to be married and miserable until death do us part.

Here's another great article about baby boomers and divorce: Why are so many baby boomers divorced?


Lesli Doares said...

While I agree that not every marriage should be saved, the idea that the choice is between staying in a miserable marriage or blowing it apart makes me see red. The choice of making it better gets overlooked all the time. It's not dramatic or attention getting but it is a viable option. It's not a quick fix, which is what our society seems to seek, and it requires us to look beyond just ourselves. If someone isn't paying attention to your needs, then do something about that. No one asks women to be martyrs. But it is no less selfish to think we can build our happiness at the expense of others. The world is mostly gray and we have ownership in what our world looks like. Most unhappy marriages are not due to a single event, but suffer from neglect. Both parties are responsible for the care and feeding of the relationship. It is possible to be married and happy--you just have to be willing to pay attention.

Beverly said...

Thanks for offering a comment. Let me say, you and I are not in disagreement about trying to work things out before you head to divorce court. Many couples are too quick to walk away. Maybe I should've clarified that when you feel you've done all you can and gotten no response from your partner, you should let it go. I have personally been in that situation so I speak from EXPERIENCE.

Ruzanne said...

Gawd, the hubby would prolly freak out that I even commented. But still, I will.

Married nearly five years, it's not a bed of roses. It's more like a rollercoaster ride of sorts. Believe me, I'm not fun of exhilarating rides, so there. I like my peace. But then as I've often told my husband, I'm not going to change you because it's a choice you have to make. Just put in mind you have a responsibility to this family. Act like an a$$H0Le and you'll get the bitch.

You're right, Bev. Not all marriages are as blessed. So when it's not making both happy, why stay together? I'd certainly not put myself in misery bec. that would dampen my self-respect, esp. if the other party isn't remorseful and shows no sign of dedication and consistency in making it work.

I believe when you seek to make someone happy, and achieving that makes you happy, then stay together. But if you seek it and it derails you from self-valuation, WTH, get out!