Monday, February 13, 2017

When an Ex Dies

We got news today that my ex-husband died. My daughter called, overwhelmed with grief, to let me know. He apparently died alone and had been dead for a few days before his body was discovered.  I wasn't quite sure how to process the news since we haven't been on speaking terms in several years. And even though we lived in the same city our paths never crossed.  So tell me, how is an ex-wife supposed to feel when her ex-husband dies? 

Sure, we had some great times during our 17 years together.  We were the married "buppies" before the word became a trend.  We lived and loved hard. But living fast and free got old after awhile.  Our marriage did not end well.  It took me a long time to get over his adultery and other lies. I had to move on and, thankfully, I did.  

So right now, I'm just not sure how I should feel.  I know that the death of someone with whom you have had a difficult relationship can be harder to deal with, and the grief reaction more complex.  

Over the next several days, perhaps months, I will reflect on the good times we shared.  I will go through old photo albums and remember the fun family trips we took. Then I will also be reminded of why I left him and then I will return to the present---to the true love I now have.

Every man's life ends the same way.  It is only the details of how he LIVED and how he died that distinguishes him from another ~Ernest Hemingway

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