When an Ex Dies

We got news today that my ex-husband died. My daughter called, overwhelmed with grief, to let me know. He apparently died alone and had been dead for a few days before his body was discovered.  I wasn't quite sure how to process the news since we haven't been on speaking terms in several years. And even though we lived in the same city our paths never crossed.  So tell me, how is an ex-wife supposed to feel when her ex-husband dies? 

Sure, we had some great times during our 17 years together.  We were the married "buppies" before the word became a trend.  We lived and loved hard. But living fast and free got old after awhile.  Our marriage did not end well.  It took me a long time to get over his adultery and other lies. I had to move on and, thankfully, I did.  

So right now, I'm just not sure how I should feel.  I know that the death of someone with whom you have had a difficult relationship can be harder to deal with, and the grief reaction more complex.  

Over the next several days, perhaps months, I will reflect on the good times we shared.  I will go through old photo albums and remember the fun family trips we took. Then I will also be reminded of why I left him and then I will return to the present---to the true love I now have.

Every man's life ends the same way.  It is only the details of how he LIVED and how he died that distinguishes him from another ~Ernest Hemingway

Baby Boomer Facts about Social Security, Divorce and Death

Today on my Boomer Beat Radio Show, my guest (a retirement financial planner) told me something I was unaware of. He said if I divorced and never remarried, I would be entitled to the social security benefits of my ex upon his death.

Furthermore, according to the Social Security Administration website, if you are divorced, but your marriage lasted 10 years or longer, you can receive benefits on your ex-spouse's record (even if he or she has REMARRIED) if:

You are unmarried;
You are age 62 or older;
Your ex-spouse is entitled to Social Security retirement or disability benefits and the benefit you are entitled to receive based on your own work is less than the benefit you would receive based on your ex-spouse's work.

And that's not all......if you remarry and that marriage ends by death, divorce or annulment you may still collect SS benefits from your ex.

To learn more about ex spouses and social security, check out this retirement blog

The Death of a Baby Boomer in Social Media

I am one of those baby boomers who's all over the internet. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter (@bevmahone), LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google Plus, Boomer Authority, Blogger, ShoutLife and yes, even MySpace.

I am a bonafide boomer and media go-to-gal with plenty to say but what happens to my social networking life when I'm no longer around. According to an article by the AARP, if you die without leaving specific instructions, the online service where the data is stored determines what to do with your information and content.

Once the folks at Facebook find out someone on the site has died, they give the family two options. They can deactivate the user's profile or "memorialize" it. A memorialized page will allow friends and family to continue to see the profile and post messages on the wall, but no one can log into the account, and the deceased's page will not show up in a search.

So you and I will not only have to decide how and who we want handling our financial affairs after we die, we also have to think about how we want our digital estate to be handled.

Would you like your Facebook friends to be able to see and post on your page after your death, or would you feel more comfortable if your profile is removed?

Nearly Half of Baby Boomers May Die Without a Will

Remember that old saying: "Up the creek without a paddle." Well, it appears some baby boomers may be swimming in the deep end of the pool when it comes to leaving a last Will and Testament.

According to RocketLawyer.com, nearly half of Americans are taking a big risk with their family's future by not having a Will. When it comes to protecting digital assets (Facebook account, online photos, passwords), 63 percent of respondents say they don't know what happens to their digital assets when they die.

Sixty-one percent say they don't believe its important to provide for a pet in a Will.

If you die without a last will (known as dying "intestate"), the state will decide how your property is distributed. In community property states, this means that your community property will be given to your spouse (or domestic partner in some states.)

According to legalzoom.com, any property that is not given to your spouse will be distributed to the following people, in this order:

Your children, or if they are not alive, their children
Your parents
Your brothers and sisters or, if they are not alive, their children
Your grandparents or, if they are not alive, their children (i.e., your uncles and aunts)
The children of your deceased spouse
Any relatives of your deceased spouse
The state of your legal residence

A Happy Funeral

I went to a very nice funeral today. I didn’t know the deceased personally but his daughter and I are baby boomer diva girlfriends so I felt it was important to go and support her.

Unlike the majority of funerals I’ve been to, there wasn’t a lot of hollering and crying going on. No one was jumping up and down and trying to throw themselves into the casket. The choir sang two beautiful songs that made you feel like shouting----but no one did.

A couple of friends of the deceased talked about growing up with him and his love for golf. The preacher promised he would give a short eulogy and he did just that. The children thanked everyone for their support---and just like that, it was over.

One thing that had everyone cracking up laughing during the service was a comment the preacher made about the fact that no one was crying. He said a lot of people who cry at funerals aren’t crying because the person died; instead they’re crying because they’re reflecting on how badly they treated the person when they were alive.

So if you think you’ll be crying at this baby boomer’s funeral, my advice to you is: don’t bother to come.