What We Can Teach Our College Graduates

If you are the parent of an upcoming college graduate CONGRATULATIONS!  Your financial investment (along with some frustration and tears) has finally paid off.  But, wait.  What if your college grad doesn't have a job lined up?  Chances are they will be living with you for awhile.  The number of college graduates returning home to mom and dad has nearly doubled in the past several years.  So what can you teach your young adult beyond the classroom as they prepare to step into a new career?

1)  Let them know they should not DELAY in looking for a job because the longer they delay looking for full-time employment, the harder it becomes to compete and network. Every year thousands of college graduates prepare to enter the job market with even stronger skills than the previous graduates.  Competition is fierce!

2)  Let them know that if they don't get a decent job in a reasonable amount of time to continue learning.  This  is especially critical for young people who may need additional marketable skills. Learning doesn't end at graduation, and many opportunities exist (some are even free) to learn new skills. Courses range from boot camps for technical skills to video classes for vocational training.

3)  Let them know they should not to get hung up on wanting a certain salary.  If they expect to come out of college making $50K, they will be sadly disappointed.  The important thing is to get a foot in the door and go from there.

4)  Don't ignore non-profit job opportunities.  They may not pay as much but the experience you can get will be of tremendous value due to the fact that you, more than likely, will end of working in more than one capacity.  One great website is NC Non Profit Careers

5)  Finally, let them know how proud you are of their accomplishments up to this point and provide encouragement  because as long as they keep their eyes on their goals and continue to press forward, they will eventually launch and find a path to a successful career.

Looking at Mom in a Different Way This Mother's Day

A year ago on Mother's Day I wrote a blog post titled Some Mother-Daughter Relationships are Complicated  In it, I talked about the challenges I faced with my mother throughout her life.  I wrote about her negative behavior, which I thought was some type of mental illness and our fractured relationship, which has been that way as long as I can remember.   

But today when I went to church and listened to the Pastor's message, I began to see my mother in a different light.  I think I gave her too much credit for knowing exactly what motherhood meant. That would have to be difficult if you had no one to nurture you, especially since my aunt (who was five years older than my mother) always took credit for raising her since their mother was dead and as the Pastor pointed out, we all know there is no training manual on How to be a Mother.  It is on-the-job-training so if you aren't trained properly, then you will go through a baptism by fire and hope you come out unscathed. Personally, I don't think my mother ever came out of the fire but I do believe she gave what she could with what she had mentally.

As I reflect back on my life, there are things I clearly remember about my mother going to bat for me as a child. When I was in elementary school, they used to do something called "tracking."  That's where you separate kids by their academic abilities.  When it was time for second grade, I noticed that all of the kids I thought were smart (and white) were all in Miss Malone's class.  I, on the other hand, was put in Miss Glendenning's class with the average kids (most of whom were black).  I went home crying because I wanted to be in Miss Malone's class and felt I deserved to be there.  My mother took me to school the next day, met with the Principal and the next thing I knew I was transferred into Miss Malone's class.  That was MY mama's doing I'm sure.

Another incident occurred when I thought I should be in the 2nd grade Bluebirds reading group (for the BEST readers) but I was in the Redbirds (a step below).  I complained to my mother.  She made another trip to the school and I was moved up.  That was my mama's doing AGAIN.  And I'm proud to say, she didn't live to regret her decision to fight for me.

Since I went to a neighborhood school within walking distance, many times she and other parents would rotate and open up their kitchens as the cafeteria and become the "lunch mom" for us.  She treated my friends as well as if they were her own---and yes, they got yelled at and spanked too!

She was active in the PTA and never missed any school events or performances I was involved in.  She made sure I did my homework before I could go outside or turn on the TV.

Before every High School Speech tournament, I would practice my Original Oratory in front of my mom.  She didn't offer much feedback but she did listen.

When I went away to college, she would call me every year on my birthday at 3:11 p.m. to remind me that's the time I was born. She did that for many, many years and then all of a sudden just stopped one year shortly after my dad passed away in 1983.  She also came to my Homecoming Weekend to support me in my quest to become the Homecoming Queen (I was 1st runner up).  And what I remember from that was, she rolled her eyes at the person who won.  But that's who she was.

She and my dad made me go to church every Sunday and I always remember her telling me to "look up and know where your help comes from."

My mother was bold and brash.  She didn't take anybody's mess and once you got on her bad side, you stayed there forever.  She wasn't the most forgiving person and she didn't bite her tongue about anything.

So instead of using this Mother's Day to reflect on my mother's negative qualities, I choose to remember the good things she did.  This is a part of my healing---letting go of the anger and bitterness I've felt and choosing, instead, to reflect on her redeeming qualities.  Just as the Pastor said, "moms give what they can in the best way they know how."  And why should I blame her if she just didn't know how to give it the way I felt I should receive it?

I may not have gotten the Mom I wanted but I have to believe God gave me the one I needed.

There are Good People in Trump's Version of America

I wanted to share something that happened to me recently because it restored my faith in the decency of human beings---despite the fact that we are living in a nightmare called Trumpism.

During lunchtime on Friday I sat in the food court debating what I wanted to eat.  I never made a decision so my lunch period came and left without me eating.  An hour or so later, I was looking through my purse and realized I didn't have my wallet.  I assumed I left it at home.  I didn't dare want to think or believe that someone at work stole it.  Besides, most of the people I work with are retirees and white and they probably have more money than I do.  Our job is probably "spending money" for many of them.

By the time I got home I was exhausted and ready to wind down so the lost wallet never entered my mind for the duration of the evening.  But on Saturday morning, I woke up with the wallet on my mind.  I immediately went downstairs to see if I could find it.  It wasn't around.  Then I went out to my husband's truck, which I've been driving to work , to see if it had fallen on the floor or something.  It wasn't there.

So then I thought about the last place I remembered having my wallet and it was on Thursday at Kroger.  I called their customer service and,sure enough,  the wallet was there.  Someone had turned it in.  So after working out at the gym, I swung by the grocery store and picked it up.  And guess what?  NOTHING HAD BEEN TAKEN.  I had about $47, all of my credit cards, my social security card and some other momentos and it was all there.  At that point I couldn't hold back the tears because I was just thinking about the honesty and kindness of a perfect stranger.  Even if they had taken the money and left everything else, I would not have been upset.  Money can be replaced.  Credit cards and social security cards can too although that can be somewhat of a hassle.  I asked the customer service person if they had gotten the name of the person who turned it in but they did not.

What I experienced today is the best of my community.  People looking out  for one another whether they actually know each other or not.  What I experienced reminds me of  something I say all the time:  "We are blessed to be a blessing."  Someone blessed me today because of what's in their heart.  .

Despite the negativity and hatred that Donald Trump and his so-called base want to spread, I know there is still decency among us.  The good thing is we can choose to surround ourselves with positivity or be sucked in by the naysayers.

"Every time you do a good deed you shine your light a little futher in the dark."

By the way, April 15 is Good Deeds Day

The Millennial Style of Giving

I think Millennials get a bad rap sometimes and, yes, I admit I am among their critics.  Coming from a different generation tends to put me at odds with some of them when it comes to things like business etiquette and their thinking process.  I have also been of the opinion that Millennials don't respect authority or obey the so-called rules.  They are selfish---thinking only of themselves when it comes to----WHATEVER----but this week a small group of them proved me wrong.

On Wednesday, members of my (former) training class surprised me with a gift card, cake, appreciation certificate and balloons to say how much they appreciate me.  Now I will be perfectly honest, I never saw that coming.  Throughout training class, I thought they were just being nice to me because they were taught to be respectful of their elders. But surprisingly, once we left training and moved on to separate teams, they kept me ("Mrs. BAM") in their "loop."  I have gotten to know them and think of them as my extended family. They have me shaking my head sometimes at the things they say in our little "chat" but they also make me laugh and some have even felt comfortable enough to share their personal and private issues.  On Wednesday, they made me cry.

This blog post is written as a reminder to me and my fellow boomers that we should not be so quick to judge the Millennial generation.  Yes, they are different.  They're not working the same way as we did when we first entered the job market.  They are not kissing ass to get to the top and certainly have no reservations about leaving a company if they don't feel it's a right fit for them----unlike many of their parents and grandparents who worked at one job all of their lives so they could retire and collect social security. 

According to Laura Stiller Rikleen, author of the book You Raised Us--Now Work with Us, one stereotype is that Millennials feel "entitled."  She says, "Are we confusing the word entitlement  with their version of self-confidence and self-respect?"  And not all Millennials lack motivation or drive and they do know how to give back.  As a matter of fact, on a larger scale, 84 percent of millennials made a charitable donation in 2014 and 70 percent spent at least an hour volunteering.  

Millennials are giving back their way and I think I'm okay with that.