What Kind of Parent are You?

 

Parenting seems to have changed quite a bit since I was a child.  My parents weren't trying to be my friend.  They were, what you might call, traditional parents.  Traditional parenting is inflexible and rigid and riddled with discipline. The focus is to raise responsible and functional adults with good manners, proper education, and worth ethic. 

Today there is something called "modern parenting" where there is more of a focus of nurturing, involvement, and allowing children to express their individuality freely. Today, many parents are much closer to their children in age and  many children are growing up in single-family homes.  According to statistics from the Pew Center, the U.S. has the world's highest of number of children living in single-parent households. 

So the question is:  What kind of parent are you when it comes to raising your children?

Helicopter Parent:  These are parents who hover over their children and continue to do so through college (and even beyond in some cases).  These parents are over-involved and may be the reason their children don't develop a level of maturity needed to achieve success.  They know if they fail they can always return home and free-load.  

Lawnmower Parent:  These are the parents who "mow down" a path for their children by removing all obstacles that may cause discomfort, challenges or struggles.  These parents go out of their way to help their children and they believe their children can do no wrong.  These are parents who will do whatever it takes to help their children achieve success---even when the child may not be interested.  Remember actresses Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman, who paid specific colleges to get their daughter's admitted?  Those are definitely lawnmower parents.

Tiger Parent:  These are the parents who push their children to achieve excellence in academics.  They limit their leisure time in order to make sure their child is a high achiever in the classroom so they won't have any problem getting into the University of their choice (and usually it's the college of the PARENT'S choice.  They expect their child to stay focused at all times and giving up is never an option.

Free Range Parent:  These are the free-spirited parents who give their children freedom to explore and to establish their own independence.  These are parents who see their children as friends as they get older and don't have a problem socializing with their friends to show how "cool" they are.  These parents also tend to be less than 20 years older than their children.  Meanwhile, there are some psychologists who believe this type of parenting style is dangerous because it lacks structure.

So what type of parent are you?

My Connection to Helen Reddy

 

Fresh off the heels of the most disastrous Presidential debate in American History, I woke up the next day and learned that Australian-born singer/songwriter Helen Reddy had died.  As a young teenager in the 1970's I remember her song "I am Woman" and how it became a rallying cry for women EVERYWHERE. I became an instant fan of hers' and, to this day, still play my all-time favorite:  That Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady.

But my connection to Helen Reddy goes a little bit deeper.  Early in 2006, I started working on my first book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age.  In my final chapter, I wanted to include  lyrics from I am Woman --and create my own song called We are Baby Boomers.  But, in order to use her words verbatim, I had to get her permission since she was the songwriter.  

This is where I learned how good my journalism researching skills were because I had to dig and keep digging some more just to find out how to reach her.  I just assumed she was touring somewhere in the U.S. but, of course, as luck would have it, she would be in her native country without my ability to gain direct access.  So I kept researching until I was able to track down a man named Ray Burton, who I learned played a significant role in collaborating with Reddy on the song.  I also discovered that the original song was published by Irving Music so I found a telephone number for them, reached out and explained what I was trying to do.  I was advised to send a copy of my lyrics with a request of specifically what I wanted to do with them.  

At the time I think I expected they would respond right away, without knowing all that had to take place on their end.  After a month went by I was getting a little discouraged but I was determined not to publish without those lyrics because I felt they were essential to the overall theme of my book.  Well, about three months later, I received a reply giving me permission to use the lyrics and also a request for two autographed copies of my book. Also, in their response was a message saying Ms. Reddy and Mr. Burton both gave their approval.  And, what was even better, I didn't have to pay a royalty fee for the usage (thankfully, because I had just lost my job!)  I remember crying when I read the letter (over and over) and thinking about all that I had gone through and how that moment in time was really orchestrated by a Higher Power.  Not long after receiving permission, I self published my first book.

For those of you who haven't read it, let me share the lyrics I wrote in chapter 6:

We are baby boomers

Hear us roar

In numbers too big to ignore

And we know too much to go back and pretend

And one thing we know for sure

As we're passing through the door

We're never coming back this way again

Oh yes, we are wise

but it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, we've paid the price

But look how much we've gained.

If we have to, we can do anything

We are STRONG

We are INVINCIBLE

We are BABY BOOMERS! 

Thank you Helen Reddy for your contribution to my life and career.  R.I.P.

The Marriage Between NASCAR and the Confederate Flag is Over

As a 60-something year-old woman, I used to say I never thought I'd see the day when we would actually elect a black man for President.  Then, lo and behold, young people in this country decided it was time for REAL CHANGE and galvanized to elect Barack Obama as our 44th Commander-in-Chief.

Another thing I never thought I'd live to see was the dissolution of the relationship between NASCAR and the confederate flag. That happened on this date June 10, 2020.
The move came after the only black driver on the NASCAR circuit, Bubba Wallace, came out two days earlier urging officials to ban the flag from all events. (I have to admit I didn't know he was black with a name like Bubba) But it's like that old E.F Hutton commercial, remember:  "When E.F. Hutton Speaks, people listen..."

NASCAR statement

"The presence of the confederate flag at NASCAR events runs contrary to our commitment to providing a welcoming and inclusive environment for all fans, our competitors and our industry. Bringing people together around a love for racing and the community that it creates is what makes our fans and sport special. The display of the confederate flag will be prohibited from all NASCAR events and properties.”

What I found interesting about this statement is that it called their events a "welcoming and inclusive environment for ALL fans..." and that the flag was a deterrent.  I don't know about you but I never thought of NASCAR as a welcoming environment for anyone other than lower class and rural whites.  I certainly could be wrong about that but at the one and ONLY race I ever went to I felt like I was in the midst of a KKK rally and everyone communicated  like they only went as far as the 6th grade. I've never understood why the flag was always associated with their sports racing events. 

But now NASCAR has jumped on the bandwagon of those companies who are attempting to march in step with the current climate of the country.   For more than two weeks (as of this writing), people have taken to the streets all over the country and around the world to demand justice for the police killing for George Floyd and against systemic racism.  Young, old, black, white, Asian and Latino are raising one shared voice, which hasn't been heard in more than 50 years.

This is a good move for NASCAR but I'm wondering what the fallout will be.  You see, the confederacy still has a stronghold in some places, primarily the South. And NASCAR is REALLY BIG in Darlington, SC, Ridgeville, VA (Martinsville Speedway), Charlotte, NC (Charlotte Motor Speedway) to name a few.  

Stay tuned for the next episode because as well all know there can be something called "reconciliation." After all, when you have a 70 plus year history with something, is it really that easy to just walk away?

Top Notch Customer Service Still Reigns Supreme

In the past 48 hours I've had the BEST and WORST customer service experiences.  On Saturday, I walked away ----or should I say I DROVE away from Enterprise Sales----in a new car due, in part, to the outstanding customer service interaction I had with the sales team.  Meanwhile, on Monday I walked away from Burger King determined to let Corporate know how dissatisfied I was with one of their managers.  What set these individuals apart?  Attitude and a genuine enthusiasm to make the customer happy.

Saturday experience:  I can't say enough GOOD things about the way I was treated.  Charles, who worked with me initially on determining what type of vehicle I was interested in, was patient, kind, knowledgeable, courteous and personable while offering absolutely no hard sales pitch or pressure to buy.  Mike, one the of the managers who help with the financing, found a way to make me laugh when MY patience started falling short.

Monday experience:  I can't say enough BAD things about the way I was treated by Mike at the Burger King drive-thru window when I ordered a croissant sandwich before work AND when I returned the half-eaten sandwich because of its horrible taste. (My complaint was that the sandwich wasn't fresh, fast and flavorful like they advertise.  Oh, it was FAST---too fast.  That's probably why it tasted so bad because it was cold and it looked like it had been prepared hours ago.  When I returned the sandwich I discovered Mike was also the manager who seemed like he was having a bad morning---but that wasn't my fault.  He did offer to make me another sandwich to which I declined but he offered no apology and no refund.  (Of course, you know I took the survey to express these sentiments).

Here's my point:  Businesses who invest in quality customer service will attract loyalty and referrals from those loyal customers.  A well trained, positive customer service team will make their company the best version of itself.  Employees/managers who can communicate effectively with customers will always come out on top and people like me will sing their praises.  On the other hand, nothing matters when you offer poor customer service to someone like me.  You not only lose a customer but you may lose more business once the word gets out (like in the blog post) and you could even lose your job.

Customer Service Matters!

What's Your Death Wish

Death, as we all know, is inevitable and the older we get the closer it comes.  The question is:  How prepared are you when you've taken your last breath?

As I pointed out in a previous blog post, the majority of us will die without a Will in place.  According to Gallup News, "Americans' likelihood of having a will depends largely on their age and socioeconomic status. Sixty-eight percent of those aged 65 and older have a will, compared with just 14% of those younger than age 30. Of Americans whose annual household income is $75,000 or greater, 55% have a will, compared with 31% of those with incomes of less than $30,000. And nonwhite adults (28%) are about half as likely as white adults (51%) to have a will."

Yes, death is an uncomfortable subject but if you want to make sure your affairs are taken care of properly, it is a conversation you must have with family and/or friends (if you have no living relatives or any you want involved in handling your estate).

Here are some suggestions to consider:

Designate someone to be in charge of handling your insurance policies, annuities, bank accounts, etc.  It could be a lawyer or loved one.  Make sure all of your account information can be accessed and you have designated beneficiaries.  If you've been contemplating making changes to your beneficiaries, make sure you do so while you still have the capacity to do so.

If you become critically (or terminally) ill and can no longer take care of yourself, do you want to remain in your home with the help of a caregiver or do you want to be moved to Hospice or a nursing home?

Do you want to be cremated or buried?  That's important to know because there is a major expense difference between the two.  Do you already have a plot picked out or is there a family plot or will one have to be purchased?

If you choose burial, be clear on the cemetery of choice.  Maybe you want to go back to your hometown.  If you opt for cremation, what do you want done with your ashes?    

When my daughter's father passed away last year, she was his only living relative other than his brother (who couldn't be located for several days).  He left no Will so, since she was responsible for the expenses with the funeral home, she chose cremation because it was cheaper.

Do you want a church service with a public viewing of your remains or do you want a private memorial for just family and close friends. Do you want your funeral to have a theme?  Perhaps, you'd like everyone to come dressed in 1970's attire.  (If you're cremated you can have a memorial at any time of the year).  Perhaps you don't want anything at all.  If that's the case, make it known so you can spare your family from conflict---because believe me, there will be conflict when an older loved one dies, especially if there's money and other valuables involved.

If there's someone else not mentioned here that you'd like to share as a suggestion for your death wish, please feel free to do so,

Looking at Mom in a Different Way This Mother's Day

A year ago on Mother's Day I wrote a blog post titled Some Mother-Daughter Relationships are Complicated  In it, I talked about the challenges I faced with my mother throughout her life.  I wrote about her negative behavior, which I thought was some type of mental illness and our fractured relationship, which has been that way as long as I can remember.   

But today when I went to church and listened to the Pastor's message, I began to see my mother in a different light.  I think I gave her too much credit for knowing exactly what motherhood meant. That would have to be difficult if you had no one to nurture you, especially since my aunt (who was five years older than my mother) always took credit for raising her since their mother was dead and as the Pastor pointed out, we all know there is no training manual on How to be a Mother.  It is on-the-job-training so if you aren't trained properly, then you will go through a baptism by fire and hope you come out unscathed. Personally, I don't think my mother ever came out of the fire but I do believe she gave what she could with what she had mentally.

As I reflect back on my life, there are things I clearly remember about my mother going to bat for me as a child. When I was in elementary school, they used to do something called "tracking."  That's where you separate kids by their academic abilities.  When it was time for second grade, I noticed that all of the kids I thought were smart (and white) were all in Miss Malone's class.  I, on the other hand, was put in Miss Glendenning's class with the average kids (most of whom were black).  I went home crying because I wanted to be in Miss Malone's class and felt I deserved to be there.  My mother took me to school the next day, met with the Principal and the next thing I knew I was transferred into Miss Malone's class.  That was MY mama's doing I'm sure.

Another incident occurred when I thought I should be in the 2nd grade Bluebirds reading group (for the BEST readers) but I was in the Redbirds (a step below).  I complained to my mother.  She made another trip to the school and I was moved up.  That was my mama's doing AGAIN.  And I'm proud to say, she didn't live to regret her decision to fight for me.

Since I went to a neighborhood school within walking distance, many times she and other parents would rotate and open up their kitchens as the cafeteria and become the "lunch mom" for us.  She treated my friends as well as if they were her own---and yes, they got yelled at and spanked too!

She was active in the PTA and never missed any school events or performances I was involved in.  She made sure I did my homework before I could go outside or turn on the TV.

Before every High School Speech tournament, I would practice my Original Oratory in front of my mom.  She didn't offer much feedback but she did listen.

When I went away to college, she would call me every year on my birthday at 3:11 p.m. to remind me that's the time I was born. She did that for many, many years and then all of a sudden just stopped one year shortly after my dad passed away in 1983.  She also came to my Homecoming Weekend to support me in my quest to become the Homecoming Queen (I was 1st runner up).  And what I remember from that was, she rolled her eyes at the person who won.  But that's who she was.

She and my dad made me go to church every Sunday and I always remember her telling me to "look up and know where your help comes from."

My mother was bold and brash.  She didn't take anybody's mess and once you got on her bad side, you stayed there forever.  She wasn't the most forgiving person and she didn't bite her tongue about anything.

So instead of using this Mother's Day to reflect on my mother's negative qualities, I choose to remember the good things she did.  This is a part of my healing---letting go of the anger and bitterness I've felt and choosing, instead, to reflect on her redeeming qualities.  Just as the Pastor said, "moms give what they can in the best way they know how."  And why should I blame her if she just didn't know how to give it the way I felt I should receive it?

I may not have gotten the Mom I wanted but I have to believe God gave me the one I needed.

Holiday Social Media Tips for Baby Boomers

With the holiday season upon us, more and more people are looking for ways to connect with loved ones and old friends if they can't be with them in person. Social media sites like Facebook have seen an influx of baby boomers in recent years and with the holiday season here, more and more of us are looking for ways to connect with loved ones and old friends if we can't be with them in person.

While it's wonderful to use social media to make connections, it can have a downside. Here are holiday social media tips to keep you relatively safe:

1) Do not make public announcements about where you're going. No one needs to know you're leaving your home to go away to visit your children in another state. As a matter of fact, no one ever needs to know when you leave your home because that means it could be unattended and an open invitation to thieves.

2) Don't tell people where you are. On Twitter, people are known to post where they are while they're there. Once again, that's an open invitation to burglars.

3) Don't announce your shopping expenditures. Why brag that you've spent several hundred dollars on Christmas gifts this year? That's a signal that you HAVE money and could become a target for a robbery---or something far worse.

4) Advise your children and grandchildren not to go public with your business. While the family may be excited that you're coming to visit, it isn't necessary to put the information on their Facebook page or "tweet" about it. You don't know who they're connected to that might be interested in such information.

5) Finally, don't click on links from people you don't know. People may try to send you a holiday greeting in disguise---which could actually contain a nasty virus. You may be connected to the friend of a friend of a friend but if you don't know they personally, don't click on the link. Instead, just go their page and post a personal greeting and thank them for thinking of you. If they didn't post the link, you'll be doing them a huge favor.

By following these tips, baby boomers, their families and friends can enjoy the holidays and stay safe at the same time.

Moms of Millennials are Worried about their Failure to Launch

With Mother's Day just around the corner, a new survey has come out suggesting being a "helicopter parent" may have back-fired.  For the record, a helicopter parent is defined as "a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children." 

Parents, who spent years hovering over every aspect of the lives of their now-grown millennials, are now seeing the results of their actions.  According to a survey of 1000 mothers, conducted by the NHP Foundation, 63 percent said they don't believe their adult children are fully prepared to live on their own.  Only 30 percent of moms said their millennial offspring who live with them are actively looking for other places to live and less than half (41 percent) say their kids pay rent.  The good news from the survey indicates 65 percent of the millennials, who still live at home with their parents, are employed.

So what's driving mom's concerns?  The survey says a whopping 90 percent are concerned about rising housing costs but only a third of the moms said they would co-sign a loan for their children and 24 percent would help subsidize rent or a mortgage.  Nearly 36 percent said they are prepared to help their adult children financially in any way.  Add to this the fact that nearly 40 percent of moms in the survey said they have no confidence that the Trump administration will make affordable housing a priority.

Although this survey expresses the fears and concerns of moms of millennials, there is another telling piece to this.  Parents of millennials must point the fingers at themselves for creating children who don't feel prepared to take on adult responsibilities.  Indiana University psychologist Chris Meno says, "When children aren't given the space to struggle through things on their own, they don't learn to problem-solve very well. They don't learn to be confident in their own abilities, and it can affect their self-esteem. The other problem with never having to struggle is that you never experience failure and can develop an overwhelming fear of failure and of disappointing others. Both the low self-confidence and the fear of failure can lead to depression or anxiety."

Dr. Deborah Gilboa, Founder of AskDoctorG.com, says "Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as increasing feelings of love and acceptance, building self-confidence, and providing guidance and opportunities to grow. The problem is that, once parenting becomes governed by fear and decisions based on what might happen, it is hard to keep in mind all the things kids learn when we are not right next to them or guiding each step."

Failure and challenges teach kids new skills, and, most important, teach kids that they can handle failure and challenges. 

Perhaps these moms are feeling what it's like to reap what you sow.

My Weird News Stories of 2009

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1. Man Sends Pictures of Himself Dressed in Birthday Suit to all of his Former Girlfriends for Christmas

2. Free Funeral Arrangements for Georgia Residents
Planning to drink and drive this New Year's? A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you. Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or take drugs and then drive on New Year's Eve. If they die in a wreck that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial. Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains. Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

3. Now who's Krazy?
A 37-year-old Wisconsin man went to a motel room for what he thought was going to be a romantic tryst but instead was assaulted by four women who used Krazy Glue to attach his privates to his stomach. Police say it was all part of a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover's quadrangle gone bad.

4.Call on Jesus for Jury Duty
Jesus Christ was called for jury duty in Alabama but was sent home for being disruptive. The 59-year-old Birmingham woman, who previously went by Dorothy Lola Killingworth, assured the presiding judge that was her name. She had her name changed in the Probate Court, and she presented her driver's license. Christ was sent to a courtroom for a criminal case, but was excused because she was disruptive, court officials said.

5.Philly ER Patient Dies in Waiting Room, Watch Stolen
A security camera was rolling when Joaquin Rivera, 63, brought his hand to his chest and died in the busy emergency room at Aria Health's Frankford campus in Philadelphia, about 11 minutes after complaining to ER personnel of pains in his left side. Rivera's death did not go completely unnoticed, however. The security tape shows that 39 minutes after his passing, another person in the ER stole his watch. Hospital workers walked by him several times, but did not notice that he appeared to be dead until 50 minutes after he'd stopped moving.

6. KKK Member Turns Over New Leaf
A former officer of the Ku Klux Klan has changed his ways and was ordained in San Diego so he could serve as a minister in one of the country's largest black denominations. Former imperial wizard Johnny Lee Clary said in a statement he was authorized by the Church of God in Christ to participate in the ministry of racial healing and conduct evangelism campaigns, according to reports. Clark joined the KKK Youth when he was younger, then later became a national spokesman for the White Knights of the KKK. According to Clary's web site, he started reevaluating his life and eventually embraced religion. Clary changed his view on the world and racism.

7. Getting More than a Happy Meal at McDonald's
An Arkansas man left a cell phone -- which contained nude photos of his wife -- inside of a McDonald's. Then, after said nude photos ended up on the Internet, Phillip Sherman sued the Mickey D's for $3 million, claiming he and his wife had to move to a new town to escape from her smitten stalkers.

8. Maxed out Credit Card?
A man in Spokane, Wash., who had just pumped 90 dollars worth of gas at a Conoco, got quite a shock when he received an automated call from his credit card company stating a payment of $81,400,836,908 dollars to the gas station had just been pre-authorized.

9. Woman Tries to Shoot Down Plane for Being Too Noisy
A 69-year-old Missouri woman, apparently fed up that ultra-light planes had been doing test runs close to her home, went to the local air terminal armed with a hand gun and said she was going to shoot down the offending planes. Then, to the surprise of everyone, she started firing. No plane was hit, although one had to abort a landing, and the woman was arrested.

10. 34 Hospitalized after Co-Worker Sprays Perfume
When almost 150 people at a Texas bank call center became ill, reporting dizziness and shortness of breath, officials suspected carbon monoxide or some other toxic fume was the culprit. But when two people complained about dizziness after a co-worker sprayed perfume and then others began to feel sick, it was discovered that the perfume was to blame. Thirty-four people were taken to hospitals, 12 by ambulance, and 110 people were treated on the scene. No one knows what type of perfume was sprayed. (MSNBC.com)

Baby Boomers are NOT all Alike: Part I

I was born in 1957 so that means I’m a baby boomer. But what does being a baby boomer really mean? By all accounts, we are the children of the Post World War II era, which began in 1946.

In May, 1951, Sylvia F. Porter, a columnist for the New York Post, used the term "Boom" to refer to the phenomenon of increased births in post war America. She said "Take the 3,548,000 babies born in 1950. Bundle them into a batch, bounce them all over the bountiful land that is America. What do you get? Boom. The biggest, boomiest boom ever known in history." That boom she referred to continued until 1964.

Much attention is being paid to baby boomers these days as the first wave of us moves towards retirement and social security. Yes, we were the first generation to grow up with television; many of us lived through the civil rights era and the Vietnam War. But the “real” image of a baby boomer is now in question. We are not all white kids who grew up in the suburbs watching the Mickey Mouse Club. We have been referred to as the most diverse generation but the fact of the matter is some of us actually grew up in a separate and unequal society. According to a study conducted by two Duke University sociologists, diversity has not led to equality: Baby boomers are the first generation to come of age after the Civil Rights era, however, the study revealed differences of income according to race, ethnicity and country of birth so entrenched that, in effect, there are ethnic classes. Blacks in the boomer generation, for example, are no better off relative to whites than their parents and grandparents. Many older southern baby boomers can still tell you stories about the Jim Crow laws and the impact it had on their lives. And educational levels also are unequal across the baby boom generation, which is often described as the best-educated generation in history.

We have also been called the wealthiest generation but despite what some would have you believe, we are not all living in the land of milk and honey. Some of us may have plenty of disposable income but, according to the Duke Study, quite a few of us are struggling financially. Late boomers have the highest levels of poverty since the generation born before World War I. One in 10 late boomers lives in poverty at middle age. "What surprised us the most was how racial inequality persists among the boomers compared to other generations," co-author Angela M. O’Rand said. "The figures are quite dramatic regarding the continuing relative disadvantage of African Americans."

There's a saying: The more things change---the more they remain the same. So it should come as no surprise that many African-Americans don’t identify themselves as baby boomers. It's time to take the blinders off.

Take me out to the ball game

When I was a little girl, my dad would take me to see the Cleveland Indians play in Municipal Stadium. The Tribe wasn’t very good back then but my dad didn’t care because he was a loyal fan. I didn’t care either because I got to spend some quality father-daughter time with him. There was nothing better than being away from my “eat your vegetables” mother while being allowed to stuff myself with hot dogs, popcorn, candy and pop. (Yes, that’s what soda is called in the Midwest).

I remember watching Dennis Eckersley, Buddy Bell and Chris Chambliss who, once they left Cleveland, went on to do spectacular things with other teams. I remember the sense of pride I felt when Cleveland named Frank Robinson as their Manager---making him the first African-American manager in the major leagues.

Sadly, my dad never got to see his favorite team have a winning season since he died in the early 80s. But his favorite baby boomer daughter is carrying on the tradition of being a loyal fan. Even though I’ve lived in or near better baseball towns like Boston and Atlanta, my heart remains with Cleveland.

In 1997, I still celebrated even though the Tribe became the first team to lose the World Series after carrying the lead into the bottom of the ninth inning of the seventh game.

Today, I’m celebrating again as the American League Central Division Champions make their run towards the World Series again with a 2-0 lead on the NY Yankees.

It's so nice to see Kenny Lofton back with the team. He's been around the major league awhile now. Even though he's not quite old enough, I'm making him an "Honorary Baby Boomer."

Boy, how I wish my dad were alive to take me out to the ball game.

An Open Letter to Oprah: "You're Not Alone, My Sister."

Dear Oprah,

When you recently announced you had a problem with your thyroid, I immediately thought, “Welcome to my world.” I’ve been suffering from hypothyroidism for several years now. As a matter of fact, there are more than 10 million of us (90 percent women) struggling with this disease. And believe me when I tell you, it can be a STRUGGLE. An underactive thyroid often results in weight gain, fatigue, depression and other symptoms.

Oprah, I have to be honest with you, I never gave one thought to my thyroid gland in the past. I didn’t even know where it was because that wasn’t one of the things that ever got checked during my “routine” annual exams.

I heard you say your condition was triggered by stress. Girlfriend, so was mine! Being in a loveless marriage and the sole provider for a child---coupled with working in a thankless job sent my thyroid into overdrive. I know those weren’t YOUR issues, which just goes to show you stress comes in all kinds of ways.

Initially, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid---also known as Graves Disease. That’s when your thyroid glands are TOO active. I was walking around with bulging red eyes, looking like I was high all the time. To make matters worse, I was jittery and had a hard time focusing. That would sound like a drug addict to me. I was a mess!

The only course of treatment for me, according to my doctor, was to have the radioactive iodine therapy. The name sounds lethal doesn’t it? But I believed it saved my life. Now I am resigned to spending the rest of my life taking a drug called Synthroid. Oh, and I’m battling the battle of the bulge with vengeance.

You know, I’m really glad you came forward with this news. You have the kind of power that can make a difference in how this disease is treated by medical professionals, the media and society in general.

It’s always something though—isn’t it bad enough that we also have to deal with menopause?

Oh well…so goes life.

"Enjoy Your Menopause" without Hot Flashes!

Did you know there are certain foods that can trigger hot flashes during menopause?

Hot and spicy foods, caffeinated beverages, excess sugar, dairy products and alcohol can trigger hot flashes and even make them more intense. Here are some tips on how to keep hot flashes to a minimum:

Eat a nutritious diet low in saturated fat. This will help reduce cholesterol and the risk of heart disease. Experts recommend that you keep your fat intake to 25 percent or less of the total calories you consume. Substitute olive or coconut oil for hydrogenated oils and most vegetable oils.

Add Soy Foods To Your Diet:

Increase your intake of soy-containing foods, including tofu as well as flax (linseed) oil. Eat a plant based diet, emphasizing plenty of fresh, preferably organic vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and fruit.

Increase Your Calcium Intake:

While the decrease in bone mass accelerates at menopause, it begins around age 35. After 35, women lose 1 percent of their bone mass per year. So be sure to consume enough calcium. 1,000 milligrams of Calcium a day for premenopausal women and 1,500 milligrams for postmenopausal women is what my gynecologist recommends.

Drink Plenty of Water:

Drink plenty of water about eight glasses a day. Drinking plenty of fluids is important, especially after exercising. Being property hydrated helps keep body temperature in check.

September is Menopause Awareness Month. Enjoy your Menopause! Be sure to stop by and take my Menopause Quiz at www.enjoyyourmenopause.com.

My Mother taught me about Menopause.....

My mother taught me about menopause....in the weirdest kind of way. I used to think she was a deranged woman for the way she treated me but now I understand it really wasn't my mother at all---her physical and mental state were being controlled by the culprit know as MENOPAUSE. If you can relate read on:

My mother convinced me she could get me into Heaven: "You better cut that out before I knock you into Kingdom Come!"

My mother taught me about the circle of life: "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!"

My mother taught me about the power of prayer: "You better pray to God that I don't kill you!"

My mother taught me about logic: "Because I said so, that's why!"

My mother taught me about the weather: "This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about receiving: "You're gonna get it when we get home!"

My mother taught me about horseplay: "If I've told you once...I've told you a thousand times. So when you get hurt, don't come running to me looking for sympathy!"

My mother taught me about wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My mother taught me about justice: "Why do we need the police? You have to answer to ME!"

My mother taught me about parenting: "One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!"


On a serious note, my mother did teach me things like respect, self-confidence, a work hard ethic and to stand up for what I believe in.

Whether I like it sometimes or not, I am who I am because of her influence. Menopause has a NEW victim.

Cruisin' with a Baby Boomer Grandma Diva

It was such a beautiful day here in North Carolina on Friday so this baby boomer diva decided to go cruisin’. First I had to wash the car because you can't style and profile in a 2006 Sebring LXI if it's dirty. It just isn't cool. The sports car belongs to my baby boomer hunk of a husband. Since we're in a commuter marriage, he decided to leave HIS CAR with me and take my little reliable, good on gas mileage, Ford Focus back with him to Maryland for the week.

I was going to take it to the car wash but I figured I needed to burn off some calories since I didn't go to the gym or the trail all this week. I sat my grandson in his stroller while I washed the car. He was actually enjoying watching me spray the car with the hose. I was thinking one day he'll be doing this and I'll be sitting in his stroller :)

When I finished it was spotless! The tires needed a good touch up but I figured I'd leave that to the professionals at another time. I then buckled up my grandson in his car seat in the back, dropped the top, put on my shades and put the pedal to the metal. All the while I kept thinking of that opening clip on "Full House" where the guys are driving in a convertible with little Michelle in the back seat.

I wonder how my seven-month-old grandson felt to be crusin' around town with his baby boomer diva grandma? I just know it felt good to be cruisin’ with the top down and being in the company of my second favorite (little) man!