Frustration Sets You Up for Success

The outside world can invite you to become upset and frustrated.  It's up to you to decide whether to accept the invitation. 

I posted this quote on my Twitter page today after dealing with some frustration.  I won't go into details but I will say when you are in business for yourself your hardest hustle can still result in a weak or NO return.  The frustration kicks in when you believe you've done all you can to make things happen---but nothing happens and you're left shaking your head.  

I spent about 30 minutes on the frustration trail and then realized if I allowed that feeling to permeate in my spirit, the rest of my day would not go well so I had to change the channel of my mind and meditate on a quote from Tony Robbins:

All successful people know success is buried on the other side of frustration.  

I can go with that!  So why am I sharing this?  Because I know someone is going through something similar---if not more complicated than me.  I have learned a lot about me over the past several months and, believe me, not all of it has been good.

 

Here are my takeaways:

 

1)  Stop fighting with the noise inside your head:  The negative thoughts will keep you from moving forward.  Life itself is full of ups and downs.  You only make matters worst when  you keep harping on your "woe is me mentality."

 

2)  Learn to manage stress:  When I find myself slipping into a mental place I don't want to go to, I pray, read my bible or play some old-school, upbeat music.  It changes the channel of my mind and takes me to a happy place where I can rejuvenate and renew my spirit.

 

3)  Be around people and things that inspire you:  When I disconnected from social media (especially Facebook) I cut out more than 80 percent of the noise that was affecting my world.  I became overwhelmed with the "perceived" success of my friends.  When I stopped connecting online,  I found other things to inspire me like taking walks and doing more writing.  

 

4)  I am still resilient:  In my 60 plus years on this earth I have learned that I can bounce back after bad things happen and I am still employable.

 

When babies are learning to walk, they will fall many times before they finally gain the confidence to stand and walk on their own.  We all fail from time to time but it doesn't mean we are a total failure in life.  Failures are a part of life.  If you don't fail, you don't learn and if you don't learn you will never change.  

I am now choosing to muddle through my frustration because I am confident my success is on the other side.

Whatever Happened to Dress to Impress

For those of you who are regular readers of my blog you know that I have been in and out of the workforce for the past 10 years. As much as I love having my own business and calling the shots, I still have to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, without solely passing the buck onto my "I've got your back" husband.

In August of this year, I started training for a position in a Company I prefer not to mention.  From Day One, I was shocked to see how my Millennial co-workers chose to come to work.  Some looked as though they had just gotten out of bed and threw the first thing on they could find.  Others wore clothes so tight I thought for sure they would split something somewhere.

The icing on the cake was a dress down day called Wacky Wednesday, where you were invited to wear the most outlandish outfit you could find.  I decided to participate to show I could be a team player.  I wore a T-shirt with a copy of the cover of my book on the front (shameless advertising), some blue jean capris, mix-match tennis shoes and socks.  For me, it was totally wacky because I would never been seen dressing like that for work or anywhere else for that matter.  

As I looked around to see who else was participating and who wasn't, I had a hard time figuring it out so I didn't dare say anything to anyone for fear of insulting them.  

It's obvious business attire has changed significantly over the years, especially in the last 20 years. Too many people have forgotten why proper business attire is important. It seems as though the younger you are, the less you care about the idea of "dressing to impress" in the workplace. The philosophy could be, "As long as I do my job, what I choose to wear should be no big deal." 

I do believe there are dress codes in place in the workplace for a reason and there should be a difference between the way you dress for work and the way you dress at home or when you go to the club.

But on the other hand, maybe these are Millennials who are just starting out and really don't know what dressing to impress means.  They don't know how their attire brands them.  Maybe they don't have the money to afford what is classified as real business attire or maybe they just can't invest because they have other obligations like "family."

Perhaps being an aging baby boomer has turned me into an old-fashioned, judgmental cynic who is trying to raise everyone else's dress code standards based on my own.  After all, I've been in the workforce more nearly 40 years so I ought to know a thing or two about dressing to impress, right?  

Whatever else we think about dressing for success, we need to be reminded that first impressions are everything, and we only get one chance to make a positive first impression. 

Why Some Blacks Lack Business Success

I read a post recently that said blacks need to stop blaming white people for everything that's wrong in their lives. I am in total agreement with that statement, HOWEVER,there's no getting around the fact that whites are more likely to consider their own when it comes to hiring, referrals and doing business in general.

According to a study by the Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation, black men and women are 50 percent more likely to attempt a business start-up than their white counterparts, but the numbers show many of those new black businesses never get off the ground. And for those that do actually start, they are not growing as quickly or as big as white-owned companies.

A 2008 MIT study set out to determine why Asians and Whites outperformed blacks in the marketplace. The conclusion: Blacks fail because they have fewer opportunities. And why do we have fewer opportunities? Here are some of my reasons:

You're not a part of the clique: If you do any networking in your local community, you will probably find there are certain groups of people who are always together. They travel in packs and support each other. They don't mind you coming to one of their networking meetings or events (where you pay them money) but when it comes to supporting your events or inviting you to special gatherings that are more personable, you tend to be excluded. I tried being a part of the "in" crowd once but I discovered I was more of an OUTSIDER than an INSIDER.

They don't know, like AND trust you: They may know and like you but TRUST is major. It's one thing to purchase a $19.95 book you may have written but it's another thing to fork over $1,995 for your service. Another thing is they are quick to compare you to their "good black friends" and if you don't measure up, you're not going to make their list of the "likeables."

You don't get referrals: Recently on Facebook, someone posted a thread looking for speakers. I read through the recommendations and didn't see the name of one black person. I recommended myself and proceeded to question why there were no blacks on the list. NO RESPONSE from the author of that post, however, my friend Felicia Slattery (who got lots of referrals in that thread) did speak up and recommend me but that fell on deaf ears. Bottom line is, if they don't know, like and trust you, they sure as hell aren't going to refer you know matter how good you are and how well you deliver your service.

You live in the South: I actually had someone tell me this a few years ago. She was commenting on how different the Triangle of NC was from the rest of the country. "It isn't you Beverly. It's just the way they are down here" is what she said. So I guess that means if I'm not cleaning your house or taking care of your children, I am of no value to you. It doesn't matter that I have a college education and can speak AND write better than you.

There's already one (or maybe two) "token" black business owners in their circle and they're comfortable enough with that. Along with that, there are some blacks who don't want to give up their "token" crown. In some cases, we are our own worst enemies. We will cut each other down in front of whites just to be that "one good black person who isn't like all the rest."

We're judged by the company we keep: “Be careful of the environment you choose for it will shape you. Be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” – W. Clement Stone

Finally, we don't do enough to support each other.

Can I get some "Personality" with that, Please?

I just finished reading an article: Baby Boomer Generation wants Good Service and it became the inspiration for today’s blog.

First of all, I’m a stickler about good, quality customer service. As a baby boomer who grew up during a time when customer service was so important to the success of a business, I refuse to accept anything less. My attitude is if you work in that industry then it is YOUR JOB to see that I get the kind of service I deserve. No, this doesn’t mean following me around a department store to see if I’m going to steal anything; but it does mean making sure that I can find what I’m looking for and do it with some enthusiasm.

The other day I was in the check-out line of Food Lion and the young cashier obviously had an attitude for some reason. No greeting---no smile….she didn’t even acknowledge that I was standing there---other than when it was time to tell me my total. Upon leaving the store, I told her if she felt the same the next day, she needed to call out sick. She gave me the evil eye---as if to say, “Who do you think you’re talking to?” It was apparent that she was never taught how to deal with the public.

But you know what? The negative attitude isn’t limited to young people. Members of my fellow baby boomer generation and post boomers could also learn a thing or two about quality customer service. I was in the hospital waiting room area just yesterday when a so-called “older” patient advocate ignored me as I stood at the reception desk waiting for some assistance. He was piddling around doing nothing while another (younger) advocate was trying to multi-task by answering the phones and waiting on the people at the desk. Suddenly, he decided to ask me if he could help me. My response was, “Now, I know you saw me standing here all this time. So if you’re just now asking me if you can help me, FORGET IT! I’ll just wait for this woman to get off the phone.” Then I took his name and reported him to his supervisor. But I also gave a wonderful compliment about the woman who bent over backwards to assist me and others in the waiting room area.

Any business that wants to win this baby boomer’s business has to not only create new and different ways to help me realize its value; but these companies must be more prudent in hiring people who want to make them look good.

I’d love to hear about your customer service experiences. (Maybe it’s just because of where I live).