Aging and Death

Recently I decided to pop onto Facebook to see if I had missed any birthdays of friends and to see if there was anything I wanted to comment on.  Mind you, I'm not there much---maybe once a week--- so I never really see who and what comes through my timeline consistently.  But on this particular day, the very FIRST post I saw was from a former media colleague.  He shared a recent procedure he had and how grateful he was to still be alive considering how bad off he said he was not long ago.  It immediately caught my attention because it is somewhat similar to a procedure that has been recommended for me by my cardiologist---and one that I am reluctant to want to undergo.

Although Bill and I haven't spoken in nearly least 20 years, I sent him a private message and asked him to call me.  He did (which was a little surprising considering our history).  He told me about his health scare and feeling like he was on the brink of death until he had an angiogram that led to a heart procedure.  I was surprised when he said his recovery time was about 48 hours and he was back to his usual self in a week's time.  I thanked him for the information and was prepared to end the call when, out of the blue, he said, "I've had some time to reflect back on my life and I just want   to apologize to you for being a dick when we worked together."  I was thinking "Oh, wow!"  He then went on to say he could've been a nicer person and then I was thinking, "Yes, you could have!"

I accepted his apology and after we hung up the phone I started thinking about my own mortality and what that conversation taught me:

God's Timing is Always Right on Time:  Bill told me he was very rarely on Facebook and his post just happened to be the very first post I saw when I went there. That's no coincidence to me. Whether he knows it or not, he was used as "Divine Intervention" because even when I do show upon FB, he's never in my timeline.  That's how God works. He has His own timetable and puts us in positions to help others when needed.  While some of us may feel He's LATE, the truth is He's never late or too early.

Near Death Experiences Give us Moments of Clarity:  Every time we go through some life-threatening situation, especially if it's health-related, we tend to have "wake up calls" and "a-ha moments."  Bill obviously had his, which compelled him to reflect back on his life---the good, the bad, and the ugly and to attempt to make amends with people he felt he had mistreated or wasn't particularly kind to.  How many times have you said, "Lord, if you just get me through this, I'll go to church more---or read the Bible more---or be more kind to others?"

It's OK to Jump into the Pity Pool but don't drown:  Several years ago I had the pleasure of interviewing author/poet Nikki Giovanni for my podcast.  Among other things, we discussed her bout with breast cancer.  She shared with me the fact that every morning when she got up she would jump into her pity pool of sorrow over her diagnosis.  It was a "Woe is me mentality, " but, as time went on, she said she spent less and less time lamenting over her illness and decided to take charge of her life and the time she had left.  She credits her change in attitude for her remission.

Yes, it's natural for us to experience some depression when we are facing a life altering illness and to want to isolate ourselves from the world while we try to come to grips with what's happened but wallowing in your own self-pity can have a detrimental effect on your overall health and outlook on life.

Thoughts and Prayers are Nice But-----I think the whole idea of saying "My thoughts and prayers are with you" have become trivialized--because that's what people believe they are expected to say when you tell them what you're going through.

Leave your Legacy:  Studies have shown that most people feel better in the face of death if they are a part of something that will live on after them.  Having a positive impact on future generations can help fulfill that need. Examples of Legacy activities include:

• Compiling a binder of favorite recipes
• Compiling a collection of favorite songs
• Compiling a family tree
• Compiling a jewelry box for family or friends of pieces with sentimental meaning to you
• Compiling a video montage – sharing advice, hopes, memories and wishes
• Creating a scrapbook with keepsakes and photos
• Establishing a community gift – a park bench, a scholarship in your family’s name or other financial legacies
• Writing a letter to loved ones
• Writing a poem or song
• Voice recordings – love notes, stories, memories, family history, etc.

In my case, I blog (I have 4 of them), a website, and a podcast so my voice will forever remain in some form or fashion.  Also, as a Professional Writing Consultant I have the opportunity to help students daily so, hopefully in their future, they will reflect back on the woman who helped them find their unique voices through written and verbal communication.

It matters not how a man dies but how he lives.