During a recent women’s forum I attended one of the questions posed to me was “Is there a difference love-making and making love?” I had to give it some thought but then I decided the answer was “Yes, there IS a difference.” Love-making, in my opinion, is a physical act between two people. Making love, on the other hand, goes much deeper into the spiritual connection between the couple.
It’s the same with comparing sex and intimacy. Intimacy is more than sex or making love. It's more of a combination of the physical AND emotional connection you feel with your partner. Intimacy involves a soul connection between two people.
While instant chemistry can be exciting and thrilling, the chemistry that makes marriages work usually grows over time. This special chemistry between two people involves excellent communication and self sacrifice more than physical attraction. It takes trust, patience, and willingness to talk and to listen.
With greater intimacy, married partners tend to have a more satisfying and fulfilling romantic life. They learn how to do the things that please each other. They learn how to communicate. Being able to express what you want is important and genuinely listening to your spouse are key factors in building an intimate romance.
So how can you grow in intimacy with your marriage partner? Here are some keys to unlock the mystery of deeper intimacy.
Determine what you really need out of the relationship. Is friendship more important than financial stability? Or must the bills be paid on time even if your spouse doesn’t have much time with you? Can you sacrifice long conversations for more affectionate behavior? Or do you need to talk things out no matter how long it takes? The list can go on.
Determine what your spouse really needs. At first your husband or wife may be reluctant to share what he or she needs. They may have never really thought about it in an organized fashion. Maybe it would help to have him/her write down his/her desires when he/she is relaxed. Some suggestions: do a really nice deed for your partner like, drawing a warm bath or cooking a nice meal. Then ask them to take the time to think about what they need in the relationship.
Make an effort to change your behavior everyday. If your partner needs more space, draw back a little. If they need more of your time, tune out any distractions and pay attention to your spouse. You may start with fifteen or twenty minutes with no TV, phone, computer, radio, etc. and then gradually increase your time to one to two hours of uninterrupted time per day.
Finally, take care of yourself. If you are frustrated, you won’t be a fun person to be around. Make sure that you have your own “me” time everyday where you can pray, meditate, and take care of your personal needs. Whether it’s writing in a journal, reading a good book, going to the spa or just doing nothing at all, give yourself some space so when you come back together, you’ll appreciate each other even more.
Beverly Mahone is a veteran journalist, author and motivational speaker who writes about issues affecting baby boomers in her book, "Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age."
Showing posts with label middle age. Show all posts
Showing posts with label middle age. Show all posts
Friday, February 23, 2007
Monday, September 11, 2006
The Joy and Pain of Middle Age
If you're a woman who was born between 1946 and 1964, you’re considered a baby boomer. So what does that mean? It means, you are now journeying into a new phase of life. It means when you look in the mirror these days, you may see a woman you’re not quite sure you recognize. She has strands of gray hair and wrinkles in places easily seen. That drop dead gorgeous body has been replaced with some cellulite and unattractive bulges. These are just a few of the road signs pointing to your middle age journey.
Aging is a fact of life. You may be able to slow down the process but you will not stop it. All the plastic surgery in the world will not help. It doesn’t matter how may face lifts, botox shots or tummy tucks you receive, at some point you will FEEL what it’s like to grow older.
Here’s some of what you can expect as you age:
After 30 years old, your metabolism starts to slow down which means you burn fewer calories. In some cases, the level of activity also decreases. So if you’re eating more but burning fewer calories, you’re going to see an increase in your weight.
Aging also impacts your cardiovascular system. Your heart muscles begin to weaken, making, it harder to pump the same amount of blood through your body.
Hearing loss is one of the most common conditions affecting baby boomer adults. One in three people over 60 years old have significant hearing loss, according to doctors at the Mayo Clinic.
The desire for sex may also decrease, especially for middle-aged women. Vaginal dryness is one the reasons why. The lack of lubrication in the vaginal area can make physically intimacy painful and uncomfortable.
The healthy head of hair and glowing skin that used to make you the envy of your girlfriends also starts to take its toll. As we age, our bodies produce fewer natural oils which, in turn, make our skin drier and more wrinkled. In addition, our hair starts thinning out.
Even though aging is a natural part of life, there are a number of things you can do to ensure good health for a long time. Eating a healthy, balanced diet that includes loads of fruits and vegetables is a good start. Nutrition really is the key. Many health experts say you need food to jump start your metabolism first thing in the morning. That, in turn, will give you the energy needed to put in a 30-minutes walk or good aerobics workout, because exercise is also a key component.
Since we know we can’t turn back the hands of time, let’s just celebrate this new phase of life together!
Peace & Blessings,
babyboomerbev (Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age)
Aging is a fact of life. You may be able to slow down the process but you will not stop it. All the plastic surgery in the world will not help. It doesn’t matter how may face lifts, botox shots or tummy tucks you receive, at some point you will FEEL what it’s like to grow older.
Here’s some of what you can expect as you age:
After 30 years old, your metabolism starts to slow down which means you burn fewer calories. In some cases, the level of activity also decreases. So if you’re eating more but burning fewer calories, you’re going to see an increase in your weight.
Aging also impacts your cardiovascular system. Your heart muscles begin to weaken, making, it harder to pump the same amount of blood through your body.
Hearing loss is one of the most common conditions affecting baby boomer adults. One in three people over 60 years old have significant hearing loss, according to doctors at the Mayo Clinic.
The desire for sex may also decrease, especially for middle-aged women. Vaginal dryness is one the reasons why. The lack of lubrication in the vaginal area can make physically intimacy painful and uncomfortable.
The healthy head of hair and glowing skin that used to make you the envy of your girlfriends also starts to take its toll. As we age, our bodies produce fewer natural oils which, in turn, make our skin drier and more wrinkled. In addition, our hair starts thinning out.
Even though aging is a natural part of life, there are a number of things you can do to ensure good health for a long time. Eating a healthy, balanced diet that includes loads of fruits and vegetables is a good start. Nutrition really is the key. Many health experts say you need food to jump start your metabolism first thing in the morning. That, in turn, will give you the energy needed to put in a 30-minutes walk or good aerobics workout, because exercise is also a key component.
Since we know we can’t turn back the hands of time, let’s just celebrate this new phase of life together!
Peace & Blessings,
babyboomerbev (Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Hiring the LEAST qualified
Last year I was passed over for a promotion, which ended up being given to a woman nearly half my age. She became my boss. Although she was very physically attractive, she left much to be desired mentally. She constantly sought help from her subordinates who, because they were hot-blooded males, were more than happy to oblige. I, on the other hand, wasn’t into information sharing. I figured if she was getting paid double my salary to do what I had already been doing, then she needed to figure out on her own how to do her job.
What happened to me is indicative of what is happening to many of my fellow baby boomer buddies in the workplace today. We are being shoved aside for younger, but not necessarily brighter, employees. It’s a disturbing trend that is bound to make matters worse as businesses look for cheaper way to run their operations.
Corporate America must take some of the responsibility for pitting the young against the old. Many companies don't want to pay for experience. They would rather hire someone with the ability to do the job for less money than pay top dollar to a more experienced older employee. Some businesses aren't as interested in quality as they are in the bottom line: PROFIT.
Young people, eager to get a foot in the door, often times will accept less money and learn just enough to move on. What some businesses fail to realize is knowledge and years of experience go a long way in keeping them from making the same mistakes over and over again.
According to a researcher from the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, potential employers are more likely to discriminate against older workers. Johanna Lahey sent out 4,000 resumes, of people between the ages of 35 and 62, to firms in Boston, MA and St. Petersburg, FL. Her findings indicated younger workers were 40 percent more likely to be called back for an interview than an older worker, defined as 50 years and older. Furthermore, she cited the top ten reasons why employers said OTHER employers might be reluctant to hire older workers:
1) Shorter career potential
2) Lack of energy
3) Cost of health and life insurance and pensions
4) Less flexible/adaptable
5) Higher salary expectations
6) Health risks/absences
7) Knowledge and skills obsolescence
8) Block career path of younger workers
9) Suspicion about competence
10) Fear of discrimination lawsuit
The truth of the matter is baby boomers are living longer and need to make ends meet just like their younger counterparts. Corporate America must be willing to recognize the pool of talented applicants no matter who old they are.
In case you’re wondering what ever happened with my younger boss…well, after I left the company, she decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom.
You can read more about this subject matter in my book: Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age.
What happened to me is indicative of what is happening to many of my fellow baby boomer buddies in the workplace today. We are being shoved aside for younger, but not necessarily brighter, employees. It’s a disturbing trend that is bound to make matters worse as businesses look for cheaper way to run their operations.
Corporate America must take some of the responsibility for pitting the young against the old. Many companies don't want to pay for experience. They would rather hire someone with the ability to do the job for less money than pay top dollar to a more experienced older employee. Some businesses aren't as interested in quality as they are in the bottom line: PROFIT.
Young people, eager to get a foot in the door, often times will accept less money and learn just enough to move on. What some businesses fail to realize is knowledge and years of experience go a long way in keeping them from making the same mistakes over and over again.
According to a researcher from the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, potential employers are more likely to discriminate against older workers. Johanna Lahey sent out 4,000 resumes, of people between the ages of 35 and 62, to firms in Boston, MA and St. Petersburg, FL. Her findings indicated younger workers were 40 percent more likely to be called back for an interview than an older worker, defined as 50 years and older. Furthermore, she cited the top ten reasons why employers said OTHER employers might be reluctant to hire older workers:
1) Shorter career potential
2) Lack of energy
3) Cost of health and life insurance and pensions
4) Less flexible/adaptable
5) Higher salary expectations
6) Health risks/absences
7) Knowledge and skills obsolescence
8) Block career path of younger workers
9) Suspicion about competence
10) Fear of discrimination lawsuit
The truth of the matter is baby boomers are living longer and need to make ends meet just like their younger counterparts. Corporate America must be willing to recognize the pool of talented applicants no matter who old they are.
In case you’re wondering what ever happened with my younger boss…well, after I left the company, she decided she wanted to be a stay at home mom.
You can read more about this subject matter in my book: Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age.
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